The G-Log

Part 2 

Accidental match-making

I have a pretty common gmail address because I was one of the first people to sign up for an account. As a result, I get a lot of emails that were meant for other Gary's on gmail.

Here's a thread of hilarious match-making emails mistakenly addressed to me. Email addresses/cell numbers have been removed to protect privacy.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: wang
Date: Sat, Aug 16, 2008 at 8:32 AM
Subject: FW: G & J
To:


Jessica,
 
How are you?  How is the rotation in Spokane?  Sacred Heart Hospital?  I just got back from HK and Beijing in time to get involved.
 
I am forwarding some of the email that Connie sent me.  She would like to talk to both you and her Cousin, Gary, who is the only child, my sister and brother-in-law has. But her new job is extremely busy, she cannot find time to do so. And I know it 's true from the experience her brother has.  She thinks you two maybe very good for each other.
 
Gary is a good-looking young man of 6 ft plus height.  He is a hard worker in the electrical engineering field.  He is working in a start-up company in the Bay Area that the family owned.   They had done successful start-up before.
 
I know It is not easy to meet other young people of similar background, interests, hobby and aspirations nowadays.  I am glad that I can be of help.  
I hope you can find good friendship and more from each other.
 
Let me know if I can be of more help. 
 
Love,
 Mrs. Wang  

 
-----Original Message-----
From:  
 Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2008 4:49 AM
To:
Subject: Re: G & J

Hi Mom

All sounds great. Please do it. I do not have time. Would rather sleep 5 more min .

Love,
Connie

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


From: "wang"
Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:27:27 -0700
To
 Subject: G & J

Connie,
 
Here are the information that we got from both.
 
Gary Cell:
   email:
 
Jessica: cell
       email:
 
I plan to send an email to both before this weekend to help them to connect. 
 
You will be a better person go-between than I can,  but only if you have the time.  And I have the  time and will help them the way I can.
 
Love, mom

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Angkor Wat Part 2


               

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Angkor Wat Part 1

With the cousin.

               

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Great Article

This is the first time I find myself agreeing with an article on the Olympics one hundred percent: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/03/china.olympicgames20081

NOTICE: If received in error, please destroy and notify sender. Sender does not intend to waive confidentiality or privilege. Use of this email is prohibited when received in error.

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Unbelievable

My uncle just got a fake 100RMB (~$15) bill from a China Construction Bank ATM yesterday. It looks pretty much indistinguishable from the real thing and felt almost the same too. Too bad he didn't realize it until the clerk at the Oriental Pearl TV tower ran the fake bill through their machine. He tried but failed to pass it off at two other restaurants. Of course the bank won't do anything about it, unless he realized the bill was fake AT the ATM and held it up to the ATM camera. Only then, would the bank do anything about it. That's hard to do if you are taking out 2500 RMB a time, like I've been doing, since the largest denomination is 100 RMB.   
 
I had read about other expats getting fake bills from ATMs and five-star hotels too, but this is the first time it's happened to someone close to me. People suspect that certain rogue bank employees swap fake 100 RMB bills for real ones from time to time. Luckily I haven't encountered this problem yet. Makes me wonder though. If you can't trust that the money coming out of a **BANK ATM** is real, what CAN you trust?  
 

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Hong Kong Pictures

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Most Impressive Spam Email I've Ever Seen

Name: Daniel Cole
Email: daniel.cole79@yahoo.fr



Good day,



I am Daniel Cole, staff of International Private Banking at HSBC Bank. I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer and an investment he placed under our banks management three years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail.



I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. In 2001, the subject matter came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of Forty Eight Million Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars ($48,350,000.00 USD), which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf. I was the officer assigned to his case; I was made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the private banking sector, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 6000 traditional stocks and bond managers and 2000 managers of alternative investments. Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over ten million United States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments.



In mid 2002, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in here in the United Kingdom. He directed that I liquidate the funds and deposit it with a security firm here in London. I informed him that HSBC would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges. He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us. Cash movement across boarders has become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11. I contacted my affiliate in here in London and made the funds available to the security firm. I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited at the London based security consultancy firm, Corporate Securities Co. Corporate Securities Co is a specialist private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash. This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. In line with Instructions, the money was deposited with Corporate Securities Co. The deceased told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25th June 2007 last year, we got a call from Corporate Securities Co informing us that the activity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit at Corporate Securities Co, and I could not understand why the deceased had not come forward to claim his deposit. I made futile efforts to locate the deceased. I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of HSBC. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently our client was dead. A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Cannes, South of France.



We were soon enough able to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed. The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank also gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin.



Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; the deceased died without a testament .In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own Investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is this investigation that resulted in my being furnished with your details as a possible relative of the deceased. My official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation. What this means, you being the last batch of names we have considered, is that our dear late fellow died with no known or identifiable family member. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit.



According to practice, Corporate Securities Co will by the end of this financial year broadcast a request for statements of claim to HSBC, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit back to HSBC. This will result in the money entering the HSBC accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division. This will not happen if I have my way. What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational.



The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so. I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as HSBC is concerned, the transaction with our late customer concluded when I sent the funds to corporate securities, all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. Corporate Securities Co has no single idea of what the history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward. This is the situation. This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this mans family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end. My proposal; you share similar details to the late fellow; I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct Corporate Securities Co to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50.I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within a few days. I will simply inform the bank of the final closing of the file relating to the deceased I will then officially communicate with Corporate Securities Co and instruct them to release the deposit to you. With these two things: all is done. The alternative would be for us to have Corporate Securities Co direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder. This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money from Corporate Securities Co. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions. I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal.



You may not know this but people like me who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come ones' way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won’t pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let share the blessing. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this same email account. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I wouldn’t you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers I will provide for you and also through this email address. I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy.



Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man; I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learnt from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon.



I await your response.



Daniel Cole.



N/B
Kindly send your response to my direct email
Address: daniel.cole79@yahoo.fr

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Olympic getup

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S is for Shitty Shitty Service

Since coming to Shanghai, I have experienced THE worst restaurant service EVER. Service that is so terrible sometimes it makes me laugh. Restaurants here NEVER bring out everyone's food out at the same time. NEVER. So what ends up happening when I eat out with my coworkers is that usually one person will have to wait for his noodles/dumplings/fried rice while helplessly watching everyone else munch on his food. It would be understandable if there's a large group of people who are sharing all the dishes family style, but I'm talking about 3 people each getting a bowl of noodles!! 


Many waiters/waitresses barely acknowledge our presence when we place our order. Sometimes, we have to keep repeating our orders just to make sure that they actually wrote everything down. Granted, these servers mostly come from poor rural areas and probably have no more than a high school education, unlike all these Ivy-educated aspiring actresses, thespians, writers, models that seem to grow on trees in New York. But for the love of God and all that is holy, sometimes I wonder if these people will ever be able to handle anything more challenging than the most menial jobs. 
 
Pete and I have banned at least five restaurants now because of terrible/slow service. Here are a few gems:

1.) Went to a gigantic Sichuan restaurant with a coworker and ended up waiting for **15** minutes for them to refill one lousy bowl of rice


2.) Used to go to this noodle shop right across the street from the office because it's fast (in and out in 30 minutes), cheap ($1 for a big bowl of noodles) and the food is pretty good. Lately it's taken longer and longer because it's becoming more and more popular and the 12-year-old bus boy who's recently promoted to waiter is not very good at keeping track of which table placed which orders first. On Monday when I went with 3 coworkers for lunch, three of us waited for a good 20 minutes before our food finally came. While we were eating our noodles, the fourth guy, who's normally very laidback, went downstairs to yell at the kitchen staff. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard him yelling, "Thirty minutes!! I've been waiting for thirty minutes for my food!! Where is it??" Then he came back upstairs and watched us finish our food because his cold noodles still weren't ready! Needless to say, he left without any food. 

3.) Also used to go to this Cantonese/Singaporean restaurant about a ten-minute walk away because it serves really good combo meals. The Hainan chicken combo meal is quite tasty. The first time I went there, I told one of the servers that they should update the prices on the sandwich board outside because the menu prices are more expensive. She just smiled and said yes. Of course, it never got updated. Never mind that. Two days ago, I went there again with a coworker for lunch. When the bill came, one of the dishes was 42 RMB price instead of 32 RMB, as printed on the menu, so we asked why. The waitress told us that that is the actual price, so I grabbed a menu to double check because I was positive that I saw 32 RMB. Lo and behold, that menu had a sticker with a 42 RMB price on it for that Hainan chicken dish. I was like, WTF, I'm not losing my mind, so I went through a stack of the menus, all of which had the stickers with the higher price, until I finally found the menu that was actually given to us. It did NOT have the sticker on it and did in fact show the 32 RMB price. 

The hussy didn't even blink or seem slightly apologetic. She insisted that we needed to pay 42 because that was what the computer said. My coworker, who's Shanghainese btw,  and I were in utter disbelief. We re-emphasized the fact that we didn't care what the computer said because we were ordering off the god damn menu and not the fucking computer. "Where is the owner?" my coworker asked. "He's a Hong Konger," she answered and then left us! This just pissed me off even more. I walked over to the counter and asked the old dude behind the register, "Are you the manager?" He said no. Then I asked a couple of other workers who's the manager. Of course none of them admitted to being in charge. Then the waitress came back and repeated what she said before. Then we repeated what we said before. Stalemate. Finally, she seemed to realize that we were not going to give in that easily, so she actually seemed somewhat concerned. "I'm sure you don't really mind 10 RMB. If you don't pay it then I would have to pay it and I only make 700 or 800 RMB a month, you are not going to make me pay it, right?" She said. My coworker replied, "That's not the point. We are not saying it's your fault, it's a problem with the way this restaurant is run and we shouldn't have to pay more than what's on the menu." Back and forth this went for a few more minutes. Finally, I said, "look, we come here every week for lunch." Somehow her twisted logic led her to reply, "So then you can kindly understand that we have raised our prices a few times already, so please be more understanding." I was ready to yell at her, "Bitch, I didn't bring it up so that you can tell US to be more accommodating to YOU! You are fucking insane and totally missing the fucking point!" Then I decided it's not worth arguing over what amounts to $1.50, even if it's about the principle. So I paid the higher price and told her we will never come back. The sad thing is that she couldn't care less since she doesn't give a shit if the restaurant loses a couple of customers for good. 

That's the problem with China having such a huge population. All these restaurants with shitty service can afford to piss off their customers because we have nowhere else to go. Sigh. 

4.) Coworker told me that a restaurant near his previous work place also had really bad service. Once, when they were harassing the waitress for their food after waiting for 30 minutes, they got this priceless response: "What's the rush?" 

Luckily, I've also been to some great restaurants with awesome food and good service, but those seem to be extremely rare in Shanghai, which according to my coworkers, has really bad service compared to other cities in China, like Guangzhou and Shenzhen. 

SIGH!!  

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Swimming

I've been trying to learn to swim since freshman year of college. At that time, I had to drop a swimming class because 1.) it was right before my Intro to Humanities discussion section so I had no time to shower and therefore smelled like chlorine every time, and 2.) I just wasn't making any progress. The instructor, god bless his sweet heart, told me I had trouble keeping afloat because my legs were too heavy since they were so muscular (.

Last year, I tried to learn to swim again by taking lessons from a girl that I found on Craig's List offering $25 lessons. She was really nice and supportive and I was actually making some progress learning free style from her. Then I was too busy with work and vacation and other things, so I stopped going to the pool.

Recently, I started taking swimming lessons again from a professional swimming instructor. After 3 lessons, I dropped him because he was really flaky. The guy did not show up twice because once he had some kind of emergency and the other time he claimed he couldn't make it because it was raining too hard. The second excuse kinda left me scratching my head because 1.) it was NOT raining THAT hard and 2.) why is he afraid of getting wet on his way to the swimming pool?

I've been practicing by myself in the pool at least a couple of times a week for the past couple of weeks. Today I felt like I was making some real progress. There was this one time when I could feel the sweet strokes in the water. Man, I'm doing great, I thought, if only I had gills so i didn't have to come up for air!

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